One of the things that initially got me excited about starting this blog was the fact that no one seems to agree on some of the simplest gay parenting questions. For example: “what do babies call their gay dads?”
Google that. I dare you. You won’t find much.
Before I begin, a few caveats:
- As I write this sentence, my husband and I have not decided what we’d like our children to call us. Nevertheless, I’m going to do my best to lay out the options we have. Hopefully we can come to a consensus (comment below) or at the very least make individual decisions we’re each satisfied with.
- This conversation can be an uncomfortable one. I’ve received a few messages from friends and family since raising this topic, all highlighting the rude reality of gay parenting. For example, the role that the word “Dad” plays in Western society. Whether we (the gay community) like it or not, teachers will ask our children “what does your Dad do for a living” and our children will have to jump through an additional hurdle (not a difficult one if you sit them down and have a rational conversation with them) to answer it. Which forces the question: is any choice other than Dad “less than” in comparison? Does having a “Dad” and a “some-other-name-that-isn’t-Dad” mean that one is more masculine or more important than the other?
- I haven’t fully convinced myself that this even matters. The reality is, straight couples have decades of precedent to follow and we simply don’t. So while we have the unique opportunity to help write the chapter on gay parenting, there’s no need to overthink it. Simply have a conversation with your partner, make a decision that you both feel proud of, prioritize the happiness of your children, and own the decision that you make. Because those are the only things that really matter.
Now that all those caveats are out of the way, onto my very first (but definitely not last) Big Gay List. Here are the pros and cons of each and every option I could think of (with a little help from my Facebook community):
- Pro: Easy for kids to say, adorable to hear, and perfect if you’re from the Middle East.
- Con: Not ideal if you (or your loved ones) don’t speak Arabic.
- Pro: Duh. Sometimes it feels good to hop on the bandwagon, doesn’t it?
- Con: It’s (probably) already taken by your husband. And if that’s the case, you deserve your own special title.
Dada or Dadda
- Pro: It’s adorable when little kids say it.
- Con: It’s no longer adorable when said kids grow up.
- Pro: It’s cute.
- Con: It’s cute.
- Pro: It’s very “I’m a hip modern dad who was influenced by the rise of digital.”
- Con: Having a number attached to your name is, well, strange.
- Pro: It’s perfectly literal.
- Con: Sounds a bit too Downton Abbey for my liking.
- Pro: It’s cute, short, and familiar to most people.
- Con: It’s probably already taken by your father.
- Pro: Fun to write, say and hear. And it’s what Hispanic people call their dads.
- Con: A little too Hispanic if you’re a non-Hispanic.
- Pro: Downton Abbey.
- Con: Downton Abbey.
- Pro: It’s really fun to say, to write, and to hear.
- Con: It lacks a bit of gravitas, don’t you think? Also, it’s the name of a cereal, a delicious ice cream or cake treat, and in some parts of the United States, a can of soda.
- Pro: Traditional and very polite.
- Con: A little too formal for my liking. Is he the Commander-In-Chief of the house?
Names that didn’t make the cut (sorry, Facebook family): The Dude, Supreme Chancellor, King, Captain, Daddaroo, Daddio, Di-da, Dad 2: The Dad-ening & The Zeppinator.
It’s your turn now! Did I miss one? Which of these do you think pairs best with Dad? Or does Dad not make your list at all? Comment below with your feedback and I’ll make sure to update the post!
Until next time, stay crafty.