Adventures in Being Called a Faggot

I was standing exactly like this, in exactly this outfit, in exactly this spot, when I first got called a faggot.

You might be surprised to find out that someone like me, who looks and stands like this, made it this far in life without being called that word to his face. But it’s true.

I often wonder why I missed out on being bullied. Maybe because I grew up in a pretty gay town in a pretty gay state. Or because I only lived in progressive US cities as an adult. Maybe I hid it well (highly unlikely). Or maybe kids just whispered the slurs behind my back. Do I have bad hearing? Do I subconsciously avoid bullies? Did I grow up at the perfect time in history? Or maybe I just blocked it all out.

Either way, it’s happened now. And I want you to know about it.

I also want you know, especially if you’re a young gay man reading this, that it didn’t hurt. In fact, it had quite the opposite effect. It made me laugh.

Here’s why.

Reason #1: I’m gay

That’s what he meant, right? “You’re gay.” And the answer to that question is, “Yes I am.”

I’ve been out of the closet for long enough to believe with all my heart that not only is being gay okay, but it just so happens to be the greatest thing that ever happened to me. So yes, random tradie with a bowl cut, I am a faggot. Liking dick is better than being one.

Reason #2: I’m old(er) now

If I was thirteen when this happened, I might have felt differently about this incident. But I’m not, so I don’t. The whole “it gets better” saying may be very true, but I prefer “you get better”. With age comes wisdom, experience, and empathy. The wisdom to know that who you are is enough, the experience to learn that most people are good, and the empathy to understand those who are not.

Reason #3: I’m comfortable

I like this outfit. And I like my hair, too. In fact, I like the way I stand and hold my bag and behave and speak. I like it all so much that I refuse to change any one of those things for a stranger. So if being like “this” screams “faggot”, then I’m going to wear that word like a badge of fabulous, rhinestoned honor.

Reason #4: I’m loved

The very first thing I thought of when the word came out of his mouth was my family. My loving husband, my beautiful babies, and my supportive parents and siblings. I have what some people, both gay and straight, would kill for. And a word chucked across the sidewalk isn’t going to take that away from me.

I wish I could meet that man one more time and buy him a beer. Just sit down and talk to him for a while so that I could try to understand why he thinks it’s okay to say things like that to people.

And then I’d like to show him this post. Because it’s clear he needs a little schooling.

xoxo